In an effort to secure a much needed boost to my fantasy basketball team, Big Ben’s Ballers, leading up to the playoffs, it appears I have sold my sold to the devil. Or at least to Little Debbie.
For those unfortunate souls who aren’t in my league, I’ll just let you know that Jimsey’s team, the aptly named “worst team ever,” are perennial cellar dwellers. At last check there is not statistical chance for Jimsey to make the playoffs.
As such, I’ve proposed a trade to get some of his better players – unfair for the other members? Maybe. Do I feel bad? Absolutely not. Anyway, as part of the trade package, I’m shipping Jimsey Andris Biedrins and Jamario Moon. That’s not the hard part, though.
The hard part is the write in clause Jimsey inserted. By accepting this trade I am agreeing to consume “1 (one) box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies in 1 (one) minute.”
There are some ground rules, though. I AM permitted to unwrap them all before time starts, so that helps. I AM NOT permitted to have a glass of milk. There haven’t been any rules set out around premature ejection of said cream pies, however.
I calculate that I have 5 seconds to consume each cream pie. I’m estimating that the first six will be faster than the last six, so I’m giving myself 3 seconds for each of the first six, plus two seconds for unanticipated tounge biting. That leaves me 40 seconds to eat the last six, or 6.666666666666 seconds per pie.
So mark your calendars for March 29th, 2008, 12:00 p.m. EST and contact your bookie.
UPDATE: Golfweek has annouced that they have replaced the editor responsible for this cover.
Ben Co. doesn’t usually dabble in sports, let alone golf (except for an odd weekend spent destroying turf at a cheap golf course). When the story of Kelly Tilghman’s whole “lynching Tiger Woods” controversy exploded I thought about writing something and decided not to.
Now Golfweek has released it most recent issue with this cover:
Predictably, a whole shit-storm of controversy has resurfaced around both the original statements and whether Golfweek went too far in an effort to grab readers.
One great thing about the Internet (beyond enabling complete idiots to have a voice): it allows you to stumble across something you might otherwise never encounter.
Case in point, Rod Benson. I first came across his Yahoo! Sports blog, which led me to his personal blog – www.toomuchrodbenson.com. Turns out Rod Benson is a scholar/athlete currently playing in the NBA D-League for the Dakota Wizards in Bismarck, N.D., has big goals, and is funny as hell.
All signs point towards his becoming a success blog wise, and it would appear his work ethic will make him a success somewhere in the NBA. So, I figured it would be best to hitch the Ben Co. blog to his star.
This makes perfect sense, since both Rod Benson and I have so much in common. Here is proof:
He’s black; I’m painfully white.
He excels at basketball; I can touch the rim on a good day.
His blog gets thousands of hits a day; My blog gets literally tens of hits a day.
He rocked his SATs; I almost failed the math portion completely and barely squeaked by.
He currently resides in Bismarck, N.D.; I’ve been to North Dakota!
His last name is Benson; My name is Ben, and I’m a son!
His blog is witty and amusing; I pretend my blog is witty and amusing!
So you see, almost 50% similarities between our blogs.
Anyway, check him out, but don’t forget about me…please…