Tag Archive | Amusement

Use your beaver to score heroin

Vancouver’s east side is notorious (by Canadian standards) for prostitution, drugs and crime.  I had the chance to check it out last fall and even I was surprised that it more or less lived up to the hype…or maybe lived down to the hype?

In any case, a Vancouver radio host decided to highlight the rampant problems of east side Vancouver by donning a beaver costume and trying to score some heroin by holding a sign saying, well, “I want to buy heroin.”  FYI, this is an old news story (early June), but it’s new to me, so there.  And the Globe is just reporting it, so I’m at least up there (down there?) with them.

Anyway, long story short, the stunt worked, the beaver got hooked up with the junk, and the Vancouver police showed up to relieve the beaver of said junk.

Juvenile prank or funny attempt to highlight the problems on Vancouver’s east side?  Considering the radio station appears to be Fox-owned, I’d opt for the former, but the fact that a guy in a beaver costume can buy heroin does highlight some serious social problems.  You be the judge.

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Too Lazy to Play Real Beer Pong?

biggity

Some days, its just too much to get out the old slab of particle board, two saw horses, and a handful of solo cups. For those days, the fine people at JV Games bring you Beer Pong….er Pong Toss. Like all good sissy nannies, certain adults and Attorney Generals are up in arms over a game that evolved from drinking is rated suitable for children 13 and up.

1) Are kids really clamoring to waste their money on a game as simple as throwing a ball in a cup? If so, I’m going to make paper triangle football game.

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When does Gay not equal homosexual?

We are all well aware that the religious right is a favourite topic of mine, but a story I came across this weekend really made me giggle.

I first came across this article in the TO Star and was able to find a screenshot on Bejing Olympics Fan’s site. Turns out that the religious-right Christian news site OneNewsNow has a nifty little piece of automatic software built into their site that automatically alters “offensive” words like, oh, turning “gay” into “homosexual”.

So what happens when the site posts an article on Olympic sprinter Tyson Gay, you ask? Well, you get the screen shot below:

[insert wah-wah trombone sound here]

Internetless Workplace

So this past Monday was an interesting day in the workplace.  To begin with, let me set the stage.  Because of where Canada Day fell this year (Tuesday, July 1), Monday was pretty much going to be a wash to begin with.  Most people were taking the Monday off to make a nice long weekend, while poor saps like me were stuck dragging our butts in.

I had all sorts of plans – I was going to do my online banking, work on my resume, write a nice post for Ben Co., and generally dink around online.  But something went horribly, horribly wrong…on Monday, June 30, I had no internet for the entire day.

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I’m more evolved than you

i like to throw feces

If there’s one thing I love, its random studies/theories and how I can pick and choose which ones to believe and lead me in self-justifying my pious life. It helps me get to sleep at night.

Some oldies but goodies include 1) the fact that standing next to a road is worse for you than second hand smoke and 2) copy machines can cause chronic conditions and should carry a warning label.

Well my new favorite one is from Neurophysiologist Katherine Rankin at the University of California, San Francisco.

According to Dr. Rankin, if you [don’t] get sarcastic tone[s]… you must have some damage to your parahippocampal gyrus which is located in the right brain. People with dementia, or head injuries in that area, often lose the ability to pick up on sarcasm, and so they don’t respond in a socially appropriate ways.

Presumably, this is a pathology, which in turn suggests that sarcasm is part of human nature and probably an evolutionarily good thing

Okay, it may be a stretch for some of you to believe that I’m more evolved than the rest of you, but sarcasm has developed over years, and more specifically the ability to “get it”. If you don’t get it, you might just stare at me slack-jawed, or want to punch me in the face. Well to that I respond, you don’t have dimentia do you? Does your parahippocampal gyrus hurt?

From the “Dumbshit” File

Just a little absurdity to lighten your day. It seems some residents of Toronto’s Parkdale neighbourhood are up in arms because a city work crew began tearing up grass yesterday at a local park to build…

Here are some options to choose from. Which are the protesters upset over?

A) A nuclear waste storage facility

B) Cap’n ‘Splosion’s Terrorist Training Camp

C) A Wal Mart

D) Krazy Bob’s Handgun n’ Rocket Launcher Emporium

E) A swing set

So, clearly, A – D are worth raising a stink over, but if you guessed E you’d be correct!

A handful of residents organized a flash protest when a city crew peeled back some grass to begin installing a swing set at the park. A SWING SET. According to local residents Robert Arnold and Peter Manek, swing sets equal crime magnets:

The swings would take up the last bit of open green space, said Arnold and Manek, who argued it would offer criminals an excuse to hang around the area and engage in drug deals.

Yes, I can see it now:

Thug 1: “Hey, can you give me a push on this swing before I go sling my crack?”

Thug 2: “Okay, but be careful, I don’t want you going too high!”

What do you do with something like this but mock? Anyway, check out the full story here.

Ran, Fatty, Ran


So…gasp…I…huff, puff…actually managed…wheeze…cough…to complete the 5 km Rat Race I shamelessly begged for donations for a while back.

This was the first real “race” I’ve been in (I can’t call it a real “real” race since it was for charity and whatnot, but it was as real as I’ve done), and I was pleasantly surprised with the results.

I set myself 4 goals for this race: 1) Don’t die, 2) Finish the race, 3) Finish in under 30 minutes, and 4) Finish in under 25 minutes. I’m pleased to say that I totally nailed the first 3. I managed to finish the run with a time of 27:53 and came in 416 place. That’s better than 799 other people there (in your face, Lale Kustu). Anyway, for the full results go here, or see below

So, did I learn anything? I found out that you tend to run a lot faster in a race than when you’re running on your own. I learned that my knees still hurt. I learned that having the woman who finished after you vomit near you isn’t all that fun at the end of the race. And I learned that I kind of enjoyed it and might do it again, motivation permitting.

Thanks to everyone who pledged me…you’ll be happy to know the money went directly the to the Southwestern Ontario Association of Bartenders and Beer makers. Couldn’t have done it without you!

Lucky day!

Yeah, haven’t been feeling the blog mojo lately, so you get stuck with this little tidbit: I found a unicorn!

Now I can check that off my list…what mythical items are left to find, let’s see: a unicorn, an antwerp, a live gnome, Muk Muk, pixie dust, my dignity, Canada’s national identity, my lost idealism, a purpose, Narnia, a hobbit and a truly socially compassionate Republican.

Photo courtesy of Associated Press
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