Oatmeal Cream Pie Deathmatch
In an effort to secure a much needed boost to my fantasy basketball team, Big Ben’s Ballers, leading up to the playoffs, it appears I have sold my sold to the devil. Or at least to Little Debbie.
For those unfortunate souls who aren’t in my league, I’ll just let you know that Jimsey’s team, the aptly named “worst team ever,” are perennial cellar dwellers. At last check there is not statistical chance for Jimsey to make the playoffs.
As such, I’ve proposed a trade to get some of his better players – unfair for the other members? Maybe. Do I feel bad? Absolutely not. Anyway, as part of the trade package, I’m shipping Jimsey Andris Biedrins and Jamario Moon. That’s not the hard part, though.
The hard part is the write in clause Jimsey inserted. By accepting this trade I am agreeing to consume “1 (one) box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies in 1 (one) minute.”
There are some ground rules, though. I AM permitted to unwrap them all before time starts, so that helps. I AM NOT permitted to have a glass of milk. There haven’t been any rules set out around premature ejection of said cream pies, however.
I calculate that I have 5 seconds to consume each cream pie. I’m estimating that the first six will be faster than the last six, so I’m giving myself 3 seconds for each of the first six, plus two seconds for unanticipated tounge biting. That leaves me 40 seconds to eat the last six, or 6.666666666666 seconds per pie.
So mark your calendars for March 29th, 2008, 12:00 p.m. EST and contact your bookie.