It’s painfully obvious I haven’t posted in a long time. This was by choice. I found I was lacking the mojo and producing forced posts about stupid stuff (see, well, the last few). I haven’t given up the ghost, but I’m still evaluating the merits of continuing the site.
In any case, my real reason for posting was to let you know that sometime Ben Co. contributer Humberto has undertaken his long-awaited cross-country roadtrip. I urge you to follow his progress at Modern Odyssey, while I stay in wet, cold Toronto. Crying.
Yes-sir, it’s time for Ben Co. to take a thoroughly undeserved holiday. Time to recharge the ‘ol sarcasm engines, refill the tomfoolery tanks and re-oil the joints o’ jubilation. If we are feeling feisty we might even undertake a redesign.
Enjoy your August and look for new content come mid-September.
Continuing Ben Co.’s fluff theme from yesterday, I’m pleased to unveil a continuation of our series on whacked out searches that brought people here. Without further ado, I give you Silly Searches, Vol. 2
As some of you know, Ben Co. HQ is relocating to Toronto, ON. Now, I’ve written all sorts of fun things about Edmonton, AB over the past year and a half that we’ve been there, but it is time to move on to bigger and better things.
What does this mean? Why, another cross-country road trip. Yep, nothing but me, my wife, our cat, and kilometer upon kilometer of prairie. So, to share my pain fun, we’re gonna be blogging all across Canada. Keep your eye out, as we’ll update when wireless access permits!
See you in 3,419 kilometers!
So, loyal readers will remember that, due to some fantasy sports wrangling, I have been contractually obligated to consume one box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies (that’s 12 pies, folks) in one minute.
Since a trip to visit Jimsey was at the top of my list upon my triumphant return to Toronto, this past weekend presented the perfect opportunity to fulfill my obligations. What follows is the result of my efforts. Just for the record, it is MUCH harder to eat an oatmeal cream pie than I remember it.
For those of you who may not have noticed, Ben Co. has had the dubious honor of adding two new contributors to our swelling ranks. Please extend a warm welcome to Senior Reporter Jimsey and Lil’ Cub Reporter Humberto (Don’t worry, Humberto, you’ll be promoted soon).
We’ll also be instituting graphic bylines so that you can tell who’s writing the post more easily, thus avoiding directing your rage at the wrong individual. The bylines will look like this:
Both Jimsey and Humberto bring some terrific qualities to Ben Co., including the ability to spend inordinate amounts of time researching random and often pointless topics with great passion, climbing on those high horses that are all over the place at Ben Co., and making me giggle. Find out more at the Ben Co. Authors page.
Heck, what more could you ask for?
So we sit here to commemorate yet another anniversary of the sun rotating around the earth. I’ve never really liked Johannes Kepler, so screw him, I’m going to live in a geocentric universe. Seemed to work out pretty well for the Greeks.
Without further ado, my resolutions for 2008:
1) Blog more on Ben Co. You see, the founder of Ben Co. spends way too much time talking about real issues like politics, health care and the environment. But we all know the real reason people blog is because they think they are so goddamn interesting, that people will intentionally go out of their way daily to hear them whine about relationships, a pair of shoes, or what they did last night. I intend to bring that “me, me, me” aspect to Ben Co. that it is sorely lacking
2) Make fewer “your mom” jokes.
3) Actually let your mom stick around long enough to eat breakfast.
4) Punch anyone in the face who wears these glasses:
I was anxiously counting down until the year 2010 when we won’t have to see them anymore, but a friend of mine pointed out that you can just shift the “1” over the nose, and you still have two “0”s for the eyes. So I’ll be counting down until 2011. But until then, If I see you wearing them, I hope the tiny plastic shards that are produced from my punch don’t jab your retina too harshly.
5) Get Ben to finally eat pork rinds. Most of us here know Ben reasonably well, and I bet if I asked anyone, “can you foresee Ben eating a bag of Pork Rinds while watching TV?” I guarantee nearly all of us would say “yes”. I mean, this is the guy that ate multiple bowls of chili with no hands for an Xbox.
6) Clean out my ostomy bag.
7) Observe Rosh Hashanah. So if these resolutions don’t work out, On October 1st, I can get a redo, and shift into the year 5769 and just call 2008 a wash
8 ) Overcome my fear of small hedges.
9) Poop less.
10) And finally, stop being nice to people. It occurred to me that I have way too may “peripheral” friends that yield little value to my life. I was thinking about all the different names these peripherals call me: James, Jimmy, Pope, JP, Jamesy, Jimsey, Jimothy, Jamesthanial, Poodle, Soy, Zippy McGee*, Dave-James, etc. I show up to your parties, I do you favors, I sub in for “dates” to events, I’ll help you through tough discussions and decisions, I’m always nice. What do I get out of it? When I need someone to drink with, they aren’t around, when I need a favor, phone calls aren’t returned, and when I throw a party, you don’t show up. Yes, I’m still holding a grudge over my birthday party where literally no one showed up until 1:00 AM.
So up yours periphery friends, you probably can’t even tell me what my hobbies are, what I do for a living, but I’m sure you’ll call when you need something.
*Okay that one was made up.