To All The Women in My Life (of which there are simply tons)

So today is my mamasita’s birthday…Happy Birthday, Mom! Way to revolve around the sun!

Of course, I have much to thank my mother for: my desire for social equity (way to make a dirty hippy out of me, mom!), my desire to clean better than a normal man should, my perpetually chubby cheeks, and an understanding of what a strong work ethic looks like (I KNOW what it is, even if I don’t use it all the time).

So, thinking about my mother got me thinking about all the other women in my life that I have been savvy enough to surround myself with. Please bear with me, I’ll try not to make this too sappy.

Every single woman that I’ve become close to have terrific qualities that make them Grade A human beings. How did this happen? Dumb luck? I don’t really think so…while I’m a relatively smart guy, I figured out very early in life that I wouldn’t make it past the age of 18 if I hung out with various versions of myself. So, to survive, I (apparently instinctively) sought out the highest caliber female acquaintances I could…perhaps those who reminded me of qualities in my own mom (except not in that creepy Oedipal way…get out of the gutter).

First, obviously, is my wife. Smart, logical, thoughtful, obnoxiously hardworking, funny (when she unleashes it…unlike me, she uses her wit wisely) and drop dead gorgeous. Where I tend to spin off in every direction following my slightest impulse, my wife does a remarkably good job at reining in my most harmful impulses (Oh, look, cliff diving!). Beyond this, she also reminds me that I typically need to work harder at most things than I do, and that slacking all the time isn’t the best option. On top of all that, she seems to enjoy my company…despite this.

Then there are the female friends I always gravitate to. Partly because they smell better than guys, but mostly because when Gwen isn’t there, I would mostly bounce about like a ball bearing in zero gravity. My good friend and current roommate is another prime example: ridiculously smart, witty (she brings wit to a whole other level), remarkably considerate (she knows more about what my mom likes than I do, for crying out loud), and, again, totally attractive (a theme emerges).

Or my good buddy back in Edmonton…same play, different scene. Delightfully sarcastic, intelligent and logical. Typically, any idea I had would be run by her for demolishing…what remained after was all the good junk with none of the typical Ben fluff.

Now, this isn’t to say that I neither have nor appreciate my male friends (Jimsey), but the fact remains that I rely on a network of strong, smart, sophisticated women to keep me from slipping into a bizzare netherworld that consists of half-finished projects, Jamaican patty wrappers, cigarettes, video games and an absence of dignity.

So, what is the point of all this? I guess the first point is to thank my mom for setting such a great example, and then to thank my wife for making me better, and to thank my female friends for letting me hang around and absorb their awesomeness. Like Voltron, you all make one bad ass machine when combined.


Note: Women in My Life Do Not Combine Exactly As Shown

Now, about those Jamaican patties


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6 responses to “To All The Women in My Life (of which there are simply tons)”

  1. jimsey says :

    aww, how touching. Now I must remind you of how your mother didn’t cut your hair for the first years of your life. If you need remindin’ check the bookshelf in your old bedroom.

  2. Mark says :

    now Annette is crying and we can’t get her to get any work done. Way to go…

  3. Annette says :

    I think Ben was talking about another sarcastice female friend in Edmonton.

  4. Lachlan says :

    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Oh, hang on…that was still there from yesterday. Nevermind.

  5. Ben says :

    I met a nicer Australian than you today, Lachlan, so there. And he had an awesome mustache, to boot!

  6. Lachlan says :

    There’s no way he was nicer than me, you asshole.

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