Die to skip living
I was bumbling about through blogs, as is my wont, and came across this little gem.
You all know by now (by you all, I mostly mean Jimsey, Humberto, and a handful of others who read this) that this is my favourite sort of fodder, so let’s get cracking.
According to the good author, “[c]ompromise has become a way of life for modern American Catholics” and “[a]s far as the Church militant is concerned, sometimes the lack of will to fight is much more grueling than actually waging war.”
We’re off to a good start, but it gets better. Next he rails against what he calls “the pill”, which typically means birth control, but I think he’s actually referring to the morning after pill in any case, and he vomits up this nugget:
“We buy baby shampoo from Johnson & Johnson because they have a “no tears” formula for baby shampoo. The “no tears” slogan has become more ironic with every passing day, since this same company produces what has quaintly become known as “the pill.” “The pill” should be the product that carries the “no tears” slogan. For every baby that dies from a mother inflicting this chemical abortion on her child, “no tears” are ever shed.
Except the tears from heaven, and we’re not counting those.”
“We walk down the grocery aisle and grab a six-pack of beer from Budweiser. Budweiser is a radically pro-homosexual company, sponsoring just about anything and everything having to do with the sodomite lifestyle. We could purchase Guinness, but that will run us two more dollars, and money’s tight these days.”
Speaking of tight, that reminds of all the sodomizing I do when I drink Bud.
I can’t make this up, it’s too good. I’ll save the rest for your reading pleasure. The author goes out to point out a number of different instances where militant Catholics compromise their beliefs. It’s quite amusing.
But it got me thinking, apparently to hardcore Catholics the world is really just one big cesspool of sin. Everything is sinful, and they are the only ones who can judge it. And the only place they can be free of sin is, apparently, heaven.
So, I have a solution. If the world is really this immoral, sinful, and wicked I really think people who are this convinced they know what is right should just die to skip living in this world o’ sin.
Now they can’t commit suicide, cause that’s a sin, and they can’t die when they are babies, cause God’ll make them hang out in limbo. So I suggest a strict diet of not eating to help them achieve the glory of the kingdom of heaven. At least that way the Fed Ex guy’ll be spared having to encounter this when he drops of their package of Bibles.