Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms


Mom, I apologize…I just couldn’t resist!

There is a more serious side to this, as well…check out the link for the number one aphorism. Ben Co. giveth you laughter, and Ben Co. taketh your laughter away.

Besides, some of these are pretty friggin’ hilarious. Thanks to “Why, That’s Delightful!” for the tip.

  1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
  2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
  3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
  4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
  5. There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
  6. “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.”­ God.
  7. God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
  8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
  9. He’s Dead.
    It’s Been 2,000 years.
    He’s Not Coming Back.
    Get OVER It Already!
  10. All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.

  11. Viva La Evolución!
  12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
  13. I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
  14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
  15. People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
  16. Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
  17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
  19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
  20. God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
  21. God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
  22. When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
  23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
    A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
  24. You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing
  25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
  26. Science: It Works, Bitches.
  27. “Intelligent Design” Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
  28. I Found God Between The Sheets
  29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
  30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
  31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
  32. If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
  33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
  34. ALL Americans Are African Americans
  35. I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
  36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
  37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
  38. If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?
  39. JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
  40. How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
  41. Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?
    A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.
  42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
  43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
  44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
  45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
  46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
  47. Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
  48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
  49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
    Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out – Frank Sinatra.
  50. No Gods. No Mullets.

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8 responses to “Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms”

  1. Mikhail says :

    Nicole went to school in Kansas…she says she’s offended. I on the other “hand” have killed many kittens, so sad.

  2. jimsey says :

    think of the children, i mean kittens.

  3. Mom says :

    I did not find what I read funny, maybe a bit sad. Also, in not having heard from my son in a long time I am wondering if the blog is responsible?

  4. Ben says :

    Silly mother, one post does not an atheist make! Besides, Ben Co. is an open forum for the discussion of all ideas. And some of them made me giggle.

    • TIGITVOL says :

      come on Ben. Come out of that dark closet and admit that you don’t believe in your mom’s imaginary friend. You’ll feel a whole lot better

  5. starbirdcanada says :

    ID makes my monkey cry! Priceless!

  6. bioid says :

    F yeah!!!! High friggn’ larious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Bobo Fava says :

    Classic, freaking classic.

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