From the “Dumbshit” File

Just a little absurdity to lighten your day. It seems some residents of Toronto’s Parkdale neighbourhood are up in arms because a city work crew began tearing up grass yesterday at a local park to build…

Here are some options to choose from. Which are the protesters upset over?

A) A nuclear waste storage facility

B) Cap’n ‘Splosion’s Terrorist Training Camp

C) A Wal Mart

D) Krazy Bob’s Handgun n’ Rocket Launcher Emporium

E) A swing set

So, clearly, A - D are worth raising a stink over, but if you guessed E you’d be correct!

A handful of residents organized a flash protest when a city crew peeled back some grass to begin installing a swing set at the park. A SWING SET. According to local residents Robert Arnold and Peter Manek, swing sets equal crime magnets:

The swings would take up the last bit of open green space, said Arnold and Manek, who argued it would offer criminals an excuse to hang around the area and engage in drug deals.

Yes, I can see it now:

Thug 1: “Hey, can you give me a push on this swing before I go sling my crack?”

Thug 2: “Okay, but be careful, I don’t want you going too high!”

What do you do with something like this but mock? Anyway, check out the full story here.

Michigan Playing Ping-Pong with Public Health

It’s been roughy a decade since the effort to ban smoking in Michigan’s places of business has begun. Now, it seems that the state’s Senators and Representatives have finally been given the cash vision to see that banning smoking will not harm businesses and could actually be good for the economy in both he short and long term. In fact, both branches of government have already passed bills to ban smoking and Governor Granholm seems poised to sign a smoking ban into effect.

So…….what’s the hold up?

Apparently, the Senate and the House can’t seem to agree on some of the finer details of the bill. While the Senate passed a straight ban across the board, the House feels that a gentler, semi-ban would be more appropriate. Their version includes exempions for casinos, tobacco shops, casinos, cigar bars, casinos, bingo halls, casinos, horse tracks, and casinos. It’s fairly obvious that the states bingo halls have gained enough wealth and influence to lobby the House into stalemating this bill for as long as possible.

And so the match continues. The Senate passes one version and sends it over to the House. The House changes it, passes it and sends it back to the Senate. In the meantime, Michigan is at risk of losing her chance to show her progressive nature by becoming only the 35th state to pass a full/partial ban on smoking.

Thanks a lot checks and balances.

The Car Free Experiment

You heard that right, most of North America, Gwen and I have now joined the ranks of the car-less. Not careless, mind you. We still care. Lots.

We just ditched our 2004 Ford Escape in favour of, well, nothing. This comes as a surprise to many people I’ve talked to, especially, for some reason, to the dealership we were dealing with…here’s the phone conversation I had:

Ran, Fatty, Ran

So…gasp…I…huff, puff…actually managed…wheeze…cough…to complete the 5 km Rat Race I shamelessly begged for donations for a while back.

This was the first real “race” I’ve been in (I can’t call it a real “real” race since it was for charity and whatnot, but it was as real as I’ve done), and I was pleasantly surprised with the results.

I set myself 4 goals for this race: 1) Don’t die, 2) Finish the race, 3) Finish in under 30 minutes, and 4) Finish in under 25 minutes. I’m pleased to say that I totally nailed the first 3. I managed to finish the run with a time of 27:53 and came in 416 place. That’s better than 799 other people there (in your face, Lale Kustu). Anyway, for the full results go here, or see below

So, did I learn anything? I found out that you tend to run a lot faster in a race than when you’re running on your own. I learned that my knees still hurt. I learned that having the woman who finished after you vomit near you isn’t all that fun at the end of the race. And I learned that I kind of enjoyed it and might do it again, motivation permitting.

Thanks to everyone who pledged me…you’ll be happy to know the money went directly the to the Southwestern Ontario Association of Bartenders and Beer makers. Couldn’t have done it without you!

Lucky day!

Yeah, haven’t been feeling the blog mojo lately, so you get stuck with this little tidbit: I found a unicorn!

Now I can check that off my list…what mythical items are left to find, let’s see: a unicorn, an antwerp, a live gnome, Muk Muk, pixie dust, my dignity, Canada’s national identity, my lost idealism, a purpose, Narnia, a hobbit and a truly socially compassionate Republican.

Photo courtesy of Associated Press

Cleveland Steamer Set to Sail!

So, me and my Toronto entourage are off for a weekend of fun in sunny Cleveland. Expect a couple of days of silence as we enjoy the hospitality of Jimsey as he squires us around The Metropolis of the Western Reserve.

In light of this, I thought it would nice to pass on a little Cleveland trivia:

1. Cleveland boasts America’s first traffic light. It began on Aug. 5, 1914.
2. Cleveland became the world’s first city to be lighted electrically in 1879.
3. Babe Ruth hit his 500th career home run in Cleveland.
4. Cleveland was the site of the first successful coronary by-pass surgery.
5. Cleveland is named for Moses Cleaveland, a surveyor who settled the town in 1796.\
6. Cleveland was originally called “Cleaveland”, but a newspaper editor changed the spelling so that it would fit in his masthead.
7. One of Cleveland’s twenty sister cities is West Mayo, Ireland.
8. Dorthy Dandridge and Ruby Dee are from Cleveland.
9. Oh, and Paul Newman, too.
10. In 1853, Cleveland had the first U.S. African American newspaper (The Aliened American).
11. The gas mask was invented in Cleveland in 1916.
12. In 1967, Carl Stokes became the first African American mayor of a major U.S. city.
13. Cleveland had the first rapid transit service from the airport to downtown in 1968.
14. Arsenio Hall was born in Cleveland.
15. I know a guy who lives there.

See you at the Cuyahoga!

Silly Searches, Vol. 2

Continuing Ben Co.’s fluff theme from yesterday, I’m pleased to unveil a continuation of our series on whacked out searches that brought people here.  Without further ado, I give you Silly Searches, Vol. 2

1. “calvin and hobbes” - If you want guaranteed hits on your blog, post about Calvin and Hobbes.  Doesn’t seem to matter what you post, anything will do.  Since we posted this comic we’ve had 4,357 searches for this…not including all the variations (”Kelvin and Hobbes”…c’mon)

Daily Fluff

Believe it or not, I don’t have anything that is infuriating me today (outside of my works network, which I won’t get into…grr).  So, how about a little harmless fluff courtesy of Gizmodo?

It seems that Panasonic has developed a lil’ robot (under 7″) that just climbed part of the Grand Canyon in 7 hours and on two AA batteries.  Called the EVOLTA (like revolt? like I, Robot? eep!), it’s a cute little devil.  Coming to a crawlspace near you…equipped with a camera…hooked up to the Feds.

Image courtesty of Gizmodo